Self Responsibilty

I have repeatedly asked for guidance about my parents. I’ve spent a good chunk of my self examination on their influence on me, and what I thought “they did wrong”. Once, while seeking guidance about ‘why my childhood went the way it did’, the response I heard went something like this:

People can only give you what they have.

Growing up, your parents could never have taken ‘better’ care of you than the care they did take. They could have only taken the exact kind of care of you that they did, given the resources they had, and what they had to offer. That is who they are. And who they are is not a bad thing, it is not the enemy.

If fact, they were only supposed to do what they did and be exactly who they were. Who they were was important (if not divine) in shaping you as you are.

If you don’t like who you are, based on how you were raised, you are exactly right – your not supposed to! During the time you spend being ‘raised’ by others you were only to receive a limited amount. Now as an adult if you are unhappy and feeling half ‘raised’ by those who were not you, then kicked out into the world unprepared, it’s now time for you to step in and continue. Who better to raise you thanyou!? Continue the process of raising your self. Learning your self. Developing a relationship with your self. Discover your needs, likes, desires, hopes and aspirations. They are for no one else to bring forth. No matter what the scenario was growing up your full human experience and full humanity is your responsibility. No one else’s.

Now You are here to continue the job! And you can raise you exactly how you like! You get to explore the resources that you care to afforded yourself to develop into a matured human, no longer a child.

If have not embraced this opportunity to it’s fullest, and committed to a healing and growing routine for your life, it is likely that you are stuck in the past and fantasize about the future. All desires are just fantasized dreams until you take the steps toward making the things you want a reality. Where is your head now in regards to the life you want. Are you putting your focus on your life? Are you awake? Or are you spending your days daydreaming? Which is it?

Are you freeing the voice that is in your heart? It is vital for you to tune into the voice of your heart, so you may become aware of yourself and your unique human and spiritual needs. You have a heart and a voice – among other things, they are yours to tell the world around you what you need.

The purpose of being born is not to ‘become a career’ of lawyer, bus driver, doctor, chef. The purpose is to be born into our exact circumstances, and then overcome them. Finding meaning and purpose along that journey is Life. That is the only thing that the journey of life is about. Turning your life’s situation around so that you may find the blessings, the abundance and the divinity in it just as it is – and just exactly as you were raised. Acceptance.

Even the most affluent children have to overcome something of their own in order to find freedom, peace and happiness. The human condition is not reserved for the poor. Everyone has the same duty on Earth to find their own way.

Most of us hold on to the idea of things that  did not happen ‘properly’ for us when we were being raised.  There is really no point to this, because this only creates suffering. Make a conscious choice to focus on the positive aspects of life. If what we say we want is ‘happiness’ and we would have ‘happiness’ if things would have been ‘different’ or ‘better’ for us at some past time in our lives, this is only the ego|victim creating further avoidance of ourselves. The issue at hand is not the past. The issue at hand is that someone needs to take full responsibility for your happiness, your prosperity, your ideas, your thoughts, and that person is you.

No one is coming.

And this is a good thing. Cause if you think your parents did a bang-up job, image what some new virtual stranger will do when you seek to have him/her tame your inner angst. You are here for you. This duty is what you owe creation in exchange for your gift of life. In return for being given the chance to live you must fulfill your duty of developing yourself. This keeps the world in balance. It has always been up to us to take the job of developing ourselves. Beyond the first few years of being dependent and needing food and shelter and love to be provided, by design, the rest is literally up to us, the individual. Our parents can only take us so far, even in the best circumstances.

Life teaches us that at a point, we need to step in and take full charge of our whole self. This is a beautiful thing.

We are born with the power over our own self and our own happiness. You are the only person who knows what you want, need and what is best for you. Our parents don’t know this. How could they possibly know? They are not us.

You are your own person, and having experiences that fulfill you, nurture you and make you happy are yours to create.

Our power to create what we focus on is infinite. Know this in the depths of your core and guide your energy wisely. Notice where you put your energy in relation to self responsibility. You have two choices really. To bury your energy into the dead past ( creating suffering and distance- isolation ) or putting your energy into the image of a happy present and future with things, places and people that nurture you ( creating growth, peace and power ).

Look back, but don’t stare.

There is nothing to be learned from the past. There is plenty to be freed from it. That is all. There is only the present moment, and your individual emotional guidance system to lead you toward trusting in what you want, following things that lead to that and only that with a disciplined mind, and learning how to keep the energy around you positive.


“Your success is directly related to how much you ask for help.”

Author’s note: I am here to help you in any way that I can, be it one-on-one consulting or by listening to what you need and making a referral to one of the many many healers and teachers that I have called on along my journey. Healers who, I know first hand, are amazingly supportive in transitioning individuals into thriving adults who enjoy taking responsibility for themselves and their lives.

Over the years of my journey I have called on many people & teachers for support, and have studied many age old [and some brand new] healing practices to guide me in overcoming my greatest limitations. Without the support of others I would not be the happy and productive person that I am today. Please call on me as your trusted resource. In addition to healers and teachers, I also know of some amazing retreats within the wellness community and I would be honored to point you in the right direction. Email me anytime.

15 comments to Self Responsibilty

  • Dear Tancie,
    As usual, your clarity and wisdom shine through.
    This process of re-parenting and become more and more our True Selves always reminds me of peeling an onion.
    We cut away a layer upon layer of conditioning, old thoughts and old patterns. Our eyes well up with tears. We release.
    And then it’s on to the next layer.
    After years of working on my relationship with my mother—through co-dependence, anger, resentment, etc. Today, I felt the joy of communicating with her as a special, imperfect, evolving person in my life.
    Wow, so liberating.
    Your messages coincided beautifully with that experience.
    Thank you for sharing from such a deep place.
    Much love,

    • admin

      Hi Wendi,
      Onions, like layers, sure do make our eyes water don’t they. Happy to hear from you, of your liberation, and especially of your acceptance of your
      mother as an evolving person. We are all our very own onions. Takes the pressure off doesn’t it!! Lots of love, Tancie

  • Kamal

    Outstanding, I can feel every emotion in you in your writing, this is the truth. If everybody wakes up and follows what you say we will have peace, happiness & fun.
    I have woken up, I am using my energy positively, which is going to bring love, peace happiness & joy not only in me but also whoever I come in touch with. I will use all my energy to help myself and others to grow. I CREATE AS I SPEAK.

    • admin

      Awesome Kamal – so great to meet you last week and to watch your transformation begin… and it was ESPECIALLY cool for me to sit with you, a man from India, and explain what chakras are! Haha – that was a moment that I will never forget!!! Thanks for your supportive words! Lots of love, and do keep in touch!

  • Hi Tancie,
    I agree with most of what you are saying and applaud your grasp of what we’re all trying to do here, and your courage to walk your talk. The only thing I would add, is that when people have suffered some type of shock trauma or developmental trauma, especially in childhood,the patterns are so etched into the nervous system that even self discipline, intention to become healthy and positive thinking are sometimes not enough on the road to change. In order to sustain long term changes, I find it necessary to work it out through the body as well. I am biased as this is what I help others with professionally, but some wounds are so deeply etched into us that it takes some outside help to be able to release the negative self destructive patterns. So yes,I agree take responsibility, but don’t be afraid to get some qualified help.

    • admin


      Thank you so much for adding such a valid point to my article. YES – shock, trauma and traumatic stress absolutely needs a very specific type of body work with a trained professional. You, my friend, are excellent at what you do with your work. I can attest to your skill and talent in healing trauma 100%. Thank you for all of the help and support you have given me in this area this year.
      Author’s Note:
      Personal development is about building a team of support around you of people who bring the specific variety of teachings and healing that you need into your life in a safe, nurturing and loving way. I can confidently say that there is no ‘one-stop-shop’ for personal growth, that would be no fun! Instead, the journey to self-discovery is filled with a variety of teachers, healers and community members who you personally choose to call into your life to support you along the way to juicy sacred wellness!

      I’ll be writing much more about the personal development process in the days to come so be sure to subscribe to the blog to hear, see, feel and learn how you can to begin, enhance, or elevate your own process of self discovery and personal development.

      If you are ready to take your personal development to a deeper level and are needing to heal past traumatic events from your life, please be in touch and I will be happy to connect you with Emily directly. She works with this area specifically among other energy healing arts.

      Love & Light,

  • Leah Grant

    Very powerful message, Tancie! Taking full responsibility for who we are is a big step forward in our evolution. Good for you for putting this message out there!

    • admin

      Thank you Leah, yes it is, taking responsiblity for US is actually awesome and FUN – more people are realizing it daily!!

  • WOW! Awesome! This should be shared with the world – let me do what I can…. XOXO

    • admin

      Well well Ms Krisna, glad you asked.
      First: Thank you for the ‘Awesome!’
      Next: To share this and any of my blog posts with ‘the world’ here’s what you can do:

      At the bottom of the blog there is a tool bar that says: “be who you were meant to be…. share this using the buttons below:”
      From there you can TWEET it, FBOOK it, EMAIL it or any other option that works for.

      You can also recommend to all your friends on Facebook ( yes please! ) and finally, sign up to my mailing list
      so that you will receive future articles hot off the keyboard as they are published, then you can easily forward that email along
      to everyone you love…

      THANK YOU GODDESS KRISNA for asking how you could help and for being who you were meant to be – an AMAZING woman!

      Love Ya…

  • I’m glad I found your blog on Bing your posts are very good!

  • Julio Martínez

    Hi, Tancie. I loved your article. Especially what you said about the past. Though there has to be a time for annalysing it, I must move forward and leave it behind because it is already living in what I am today. We can have a bright future without thinking too much about the future. I think what I have to do is live here and now, today, the best way I can. Thank You for your advice about my parents. It is helping me to mature a little more today. God bless you.

    • Tancie


      You are so welcome – one day at a time brother. Reach out anytime if you need additional support. Blessings _ Tancie

  • […] in it? Well guess what. Without self improvement there will be no social improvement. Here is a blog post I’ve written for you if you want my elaborate take on ‘what you think your parents did wrong’ and the power […]

  • […] in it? Well guess what. Without self improvement there will be no social improvement. Here is a blog post I’ve written for you if you want my elaborate take on ‘what you think your parents did wrong’ and the power […]

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