I have repeatedly asked for guidance about my parents. I’ve spent a good chunk of my self examination on their influence on me, and what I thought “they did wrong”. Once, while seeking guidance about ‘why my childhood went the way it did’, the response I heard went something like this:
People can only give you what they have.
Growing up, your parents could never have taken ‘better’ care of you than the care they did take. They could have only taken the exact kind of care of you that they did, given the resources they had, and what they had to offer. That is who they are. And who they are is not a bad thing, it is not the enemy.
If fact, they were only supposed to do what they did and be exactly who they were. Who they were was important (if not divine) in shaping you as you are.
If you don’t like who you are, based on how you were raised, you are exactly right – your not supposed to! During the time you spend being ‘raised’ by others you were only to receive a limited amount. Now as an adult if you are unhappy and feeling half ‘raised’ by those who were not you, then kicked out into the world unprepared, it’s now time for you to step in and continue. Who better to raise you thanyou!? Continue the process of raising your self. Learning your self. Developing a relationship with your self. Discover your needs, likes, desires, hopes and aspirations. They are for no one else to bring forth. No matter what the scenario was growing up your full human experience and full humanity is your responsibility. No one else’s.
Now You are here to continue the job! And you can raise you exactly how you like! You get to explore the resources that you care to afforded yourself to develop into a matured human, no longer a child.
If have not embraced this opportunity to it’s fullest, and committed to a healing and growing routine for your life, it is likely that you are stuck in the past and fantasize about the future. All desires are just fantasized dreams until you take the steps toward making the things you want a reality. Where is your head now in regards to the life you want. Are you putting your focus on your life? Are you awake? Or are you spending your days daydreaming? Which is it?
Are you freeing the voice that is in your heart? It is vital for you to tune into the voice of your heart, so you may become aware of yourself and your unique human and spiritual needs. You have a heart and a voice – among other things, they are yours to tell the world around you what you need.
The purpose of being born is not to ‘become a career’ of lawyer, bus driver, doctor, chef. The purpose is to be born into our exact circumstances, and then overcome them. Finding meaning and purpose along that journey is Life. That is the only thing that the journey of life is about. Turning your life’s situation around so that you may find the blessings, the abundance and the divinity in it just as it is – and just exactly as you were raised. Acceptance.
Even the most affluent children have to overcome something of their own in order to find freedom, peace and happiness. The human condition is not reserved for the poor. Everyone has the same duty on Earth to find their own way.
Most of us hold on to the idea of things that did not happen ‘properly’ for us when we were being raised. There is really no point to this, because this only creates suffering. Make a conscious choice to focus on the positive aspects of life. If what we say we want is ‘happiness’ and we would have ‘happiness’ if things would have been ‘different’ or ‘better’ for us at some past time in our lives, this is only the ego|victim creating further avoidance of ourselves. The issue at hand is not the past. The issue at hand is that someone needs to take full responsibility for your happiness, your prosperity, your ideas, your thoughts, and that person is you.
No one is coming.
And this is a good thing. Cause if you think your parents did a bang-up job, image what some new virtual stranger will do when you seek to have him/her tame your inner angst. You are here for you. This duty is what you owe creation in exchange for your gift of life. In return for being given the chance to live you must fulfill your duty of developing yourself. This keeps the world in balance. It has always been up to us to take the job of developing ourselves. Beyond the first few years of being dependent and needing food and shelter and love to be provided, by design, the rest is literally up to us, the individual. Our parents can only take us so far, even in the best circumstances.
Life teaches us that at a point, we need to step in and take full charge of our whole self. This is a beautiful thing.
We are born with the power over our own self and our own happiness. You are the only person who knows what you want, need and what is best for you. Our parents don’t know this. How could they possibly know? They are not us.
You are your own person, and having experiences that fulfill you, nurture you and make you happy are yours to create.
Our power to create what we focus on is infinite. Know this in the depths of your core and guide your energy wisely. Notice where you put your energy in relation to self responsibility. You have two choices really. To bury your energy into the dead past ( creating suffering and distance- isolation ) or putting your energy into the image of a happy present and future with things, places and people that nurture you ( creating growth, peace and power ).
Look back, but don’t stare.
There is nothing to be learned from the past. There is plenty to be freed from it. That is all. There is only the present moment, and your individual emotional guidance system to lead you toward trusting in what you want, following things that lead to that and only that with a disciplined mind, and learning how to keep the energy around you positive.
“Your success is directly related to how much you ask for help.”
Author’s note: I am here to help you in any way that I can, be it one-on-one consulting or by listening to what you need and making a referral to one of the many many healers and teachers that I have called on along my journey. Healers who, I know first hand, are amazingly supportive in transitioning individuals into thriving adults who enjoy taking responsibility for themselves and their lives.
Over the years of my journey I have called on many people & teachers for support, and have studied many age old [and some brand new] healing practices to guide me in overcoming my greatest limitations. Without the support of others I would not be the happy and productive person that I am today. Please call on me as your trusted resource. In addition to healers and teachers, I also know of some amazing retreats within the wellness community and I would be honored to point you in the right direction. Email me anytime.